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Half-hearted compliments And sympathy hugs Asking how I really am Like I’m some kind of mug I am not my past and I am not my future Don’t sit there expectant I’ll order you an uber Emotionless & oblivions To Previous parts of my life Said no to antidepressants Despite doctor’s advice I wasn’t depressed just grieving a little Treated like a victim by small minded people I don’t really have that type of mentality You learn to switch it off When you work in hospitality I don’t u

Home isn't always the house you live in Home can be a hug Home is when you feel most loved   Home can be a kiss from a person from that you miss   But home is what you make it Not just a building Or a house

Hidden gems in the corners Of a village They wink at the creatives And stay hidden from the puppets The gems become demolished Rubble with peeping weeds Snaking through the cracks Blending in with overgrown trees

Okay universe... I see you I hear you I feel you This week has been mental Mother Nature stepped up her game It’s almost unbelievable What day is it? Where am I? What are you trying to tell me? You’ve caught my attention Now guide me to the right dimension

Grief is sitting with your coat still on Even though you’ve been home for at least an hour Sore nose Sore lips And sore cheeks A banging headache And salty tears slipping away Onto your cats head Because he knows your sad He can sense these things So he crawled onto your lap Grief is Staring at a wall With a feeling in your throat That catches a quiver Of a breath Shaking but You’re not cold Or hot Or anything Cause you’re just there Physically But Mentally Unaware You have n

To the people who ask... “Are you okay?” While slightly tilting their head down Thank you There’s about five of you I know I’ve nodded and smiled And shrugged and mentioned Being tired But we all know the truth Don’t we? Let me get past this year Thing’s will be cool soon

New job Better pay Prayed negativity away 2023 What’s been great? Let’s rewind the year Up to date Pizza Burgers Chicken Wings A lot of food & other things Saved some money So that’s a plus £2 fares on the bus New typewriter & a fish tank New debit card For the same bank Got lots of people I’d like to thank Still find salmon Fucking rank But if you want truth To the question Come & sit down In my therapy session

I still see you both Even though you are no longer here When I wake up Rub my eyes Yawn & look in a mirror I see you looking back at me. My dad’s nose Mums’ hair The same stare When we concentrate & I look down at my rings Seeing family members gifts Placed over my fingertips Sitting comfortably Like a family Together watching tv & I see what we could have been In a coffee shop Sipping tea Laughing over silly things Happy as can be But we never had those things When you were

A family day out A time to relax & let your hair down But It’s never a relaxing time Is it? You’ll bring the dog too Picking up shit & steering buggies It looks stressful I don’t get it

Gripping a pen Till her hands bled She wants to make a difference But so many are dead The question isn't who The question is when But the truth gets silenced Someone has 'killed themselves' again Filling the pages Creating art The Government are ending her She's the bullseye They're the darts

My therapist Must be really good at their job Because their room is full of stuff Stuff that usually I would be all over Russian dolls Shiny things Books Pillows And other bits and bobs I’m like a magpie But I go there and talk and cry and chat Without even being tempted To be distracted Adam and Eve have nothing on me With forbidden fruit What fruit was it anyway that they Got tempted by? -Asking for a friend…

The countryside is beautiful Unless you’re trapped there... A few miles To the nearest town Can’t knock on your friends doors Or even see them around My childhood was books and sunsets An occasional game of football With my grandad Helped him in a garage in our garden Just to have a conversation With someone With anyone So don’t be upset if my social skills Aren’t all that If I struggle to hold eye contact Or seem really excited just to see you Or have a chat Cause I’m apprec

Three generations Sitting at a table In a coffee shop Completely unaware Of their surroundings They don’t need to be Everything that they need Is here with them Smiles and laughter Photographs and memories They are not my family But the warmth That they give off Makes this coffee shop feel like home

If my dad were here today He’d be making an excuse to leave Maybe he already has to you Some examples are: Needing to feed his cat Or that he forgot to lock the door He has an appointment that He’s going to be late for He thinks he left the oven on He said he wouldn’t be out for long There’s a parcel on the way He’s ran out of things to say He forgot something important Something of the assortment He has a phone call That he can’t miss He’s been up for hours Been up since 6 H

It’s hard to answer the question How are you? Some days I can’t feel anything And other days I feel everything Conversations pinch My eardrums Piercing migraines And all the of eyes Analysing Causing Anxiety Wanting to hide Out of sight I want to double over And fold in half Fold in half again until I’m gone When I open my mouth and say something stupid And I just want to disappear Lock myself in the bathroom and punch myself Cause I’m stupid And most people think so too Dits

Paper straws aren’t great But they are not worth getting upset about Thick milk shakes Thin paper straws Fall apart in my mouth Yet not the good fall off the bone Pulled pork from a BBQ type Dissolved from my parched lips Quenched thirst kind of vibes Save the wildlife And the turtles Mother nature’s winds being verbal Telling you to just think About the hurdles She has to face That’s the last time I’ll complain about Drinking from paper And I’ll save a metal straw for later

Eating the food Spilling the drinks Standing on toes They barely think Grabbed the wrong order And they’re on their phones They’re working solo But never seem to be alone Hogging the toilets Picking their nose Cleaning their ears Having a doze Just Eat, Uber, Deliveroo They’ll be in your way Morning, evening Afternoon. They’ll take your seats To your dismay We all hate them Every day Until we order Pulling up the app Have they left the restaurant? Is there a live map? Checkin

Good for the mind & Good for the soul Throw all the shit That is the end goal Hoarding and collecting has never Ended well It’s time to recycle and wish it farewell All of the clothes that you never wear Earrings and necklaces You don’t have a care Keep a few items that Scream sentimental Holding my mother’s rings I will try to be gentle But getting rid of bits has been monumental Until I take up a new hobby and try something experimental

December the 8th will be the 6th year Without you mum & It will be the first Christmas Without you dad & death Is weird Especially when you know That they were ready to go “If they were here...” Yeah but they’re not & They’d be suffering still Perhaps more so now & grief Is bizarre One minute you’re fine And one minute you’ve Been reminded of them And you have to walk through The high street Wiping tears

The first day and night I balled my eyes out The tears came in waves on day 2 & 3 By day 4 I couldn’t cry Day 5,6 and 7 were numb The most numb I’d ever felt in my life Then on day 8 I didn’t feel numb anymore I just felt pain