Rebirth

And then it hit me Like a fucking train Going so fast that I hardly had a second to breathe People pleasing had been my life Pleasing my family friends boss I was so caught up in how to act Who to be And I lost me When the schools taught us to respect authority figures and keep our heads down and shut the fuck up And I listened because that’s how my grandparents taught me to be… Respectful But there’s a different between being respectful and Being a slave Yet no one gets it W

I’m living my life Walking & talking Then bang I’ve exploded With poetry One book done One in the works My third is planned My fourth is winking at me In the horizon But book 2 demands My attention “Hello, I’m here Ready to go Don’t be shy Publish me” But all this poetry Is fighting to get out It’s grown arms and legs My brain expands Clicking with each idea Like hot metal Until a draft is too much The dans cave in The tears combine with An angry wave of water & instead of ho

A couple are sat Their bodies are copies of each other She sips a black coffee He swirls a lukewarm latte They share a phone between them Shoulders touching at a tiny table Right leg crossed tight over left They are the type to share everything Even a Facebook account ‘Sandy & David Smith’

Nothing prepared me for the death of my mother But people tried... Sat me down & stated “Expect her to die soon” Everyone pretended like it wasn’t going to happen While she was in the room But it was going to happen & it did...

Every conversation with me is like a cliff-hanger Bank and forth like a tennis game Only with nanna Mind chatter filling up my head It’s whispering in my ear that I’d be better off dead I keep talking Keep blagging trying to make it flow… but no They don’t wanna hear about my breakfast They don’t wanna hear me ramble on They let out a sigh when I’m finally gone But every time my words flow it’s poetry Though not everyone I talk to writes back to me Being a writer is not alway

Simplistic Minimalistic   Black and white   Shapes and stripes   Happy Sad Kinda mad Those things are part of my life

Mondays are underrated It’s the beginning of the week Start a fresh and make it different from the rest It’s up to you to make it the best week That you’ve ever had Don’t trust people who say they hate Mondays They are the type to turn down New opportunities

Strength comes from a place That people will never see It’s my cave that is closed for refurbishment It’s dark Grimy and shit But every now and then I take a walk Armed with a torch and some tissues Cry it out while discovering What’s deep within On Wednesday I’m holding a tour For a stranger Let’s see what they say About my museum About my cave

It’s seeing the little things The universe giving you a gentle nudge A gentle reminder Seeing a phoenix on the top of an old disused bank Standing proud You walk past this building everyday But only noticed the phoenix now Seeing a phoenix on a notebook Winking at you Reminding you to get your book done Good things come to those who wait And Patience is a virtue my friend...

Daffodils in a vase Half full Half empty Half air People argue over the amount of water But these flowers are dead No amount of Half full Half empty Will bring these flowers back to life Instead of talking about Living conditions Open your fucking eyes

Only icons make eye contact Anxiety driven enthusiasts look down to the ground So that the sound of self-deprecation is loud enough for Them Lyrics of sadness and depression Drills into their ear canals But this is a form of manifestation You cannot help those who do not which to be helped So you form a barrier between them You are as good as the worst one in your friendship group Higher your standards Success and all the rest Will loop

Despite being reminded Multiple times a day To drink more water... I still don’t Coffee will always come first Mainly because I work In a coffee shop & partly because I need about 10 shots of espresso To keep up with myself I’m not tired But My mind is going 100 mph Probably because of all the caffeine I should have a glass of water & so should you

Sunglasses in the club, Hat strangling tight curls. Oil embedded into creases of his palms. Rubber bracelets are now a part of him, Stained from mechanical muck.   Muscular arms, bony hips, and those lips!   His fingertips kiss my cheeks, The same fingertips that build art. Talent surrounds him.   His work uniform is a cocktail of garage smells. His cars wake the neighbourhood As he leaves in the morning,   I love you, I'll tell him, As he tucks me in.

What day is it? What year is it? Who am I? 31 days But It feels Like a billion Veganuary, Sobriety People starting the gym The funeral homes are Behind since Christmas They’re full to the brim No one has cash Or a will to live Monday or Sunday I’m not sure But I do need to remember that It’s 2024 Got to practise writing the date Like I’m back at school Hold me back a year I feel like a fool

What used to be an easy conversation Now makes my hands shake I blush and struggle with eye contact I try so hard to look into people’s eyes And I manage for about three seconds Having to count in my head I’ve lost trust in people that I would die for Jump into a bullet for But now I don’t trust anyone but myself

I’m hard to reach Mentally & Physically 20 messages unread... It hardly matters to me It’s not that I don’t care Because I do I care about all of you If it is urgent then you can call I will pick up. But to respond to a text is something I’m just not great at Don’t demand my attention All day everyday You won’t get it & I will only show The true side of my life To my therapist Between teary eyes And ugly sounds While I sob Struggling to get my words out Because I used to be l

Pumpkin carving Has never been fun Seeds and bits between Fingers and thumbs Trying to carve with a very sharp knife Horrific things will cross your mind Wanting to smash the pumpkin Through a window Or a door Throw it down With all your might at the floor Stab the monstrosity with whatevers in your hand Kick it like a football Where will it land? Good job you bought the last 4 from Tesco Suffocate your screams with a Hello Kitty pillow Innocent eyes The pumpkin cries “Please

On days at home in the cold I prescribed myself a cat Other important items include a hot cup of tea A blanket and a bit of TV But anyway I prescribed myself a cat They’re natural healers Purrs soothing Eyes blinking Paws and claws on your back And your legs And your head Because a cat will sit wherever they fit Go and prescribe yourself a cat Warmth for the both of you Which one is using who? Spoiler They’re using you Fed with the best food Don’t mind that Just place them on

Water haunts My ears & my lips No smell No taste An adult drink But I’ve brought A new bottle to trick my brain It has a straw... To stop it being mundane I gulp and I swallow Like a hamster in a cage With an upside-down straw Guzzling it down with rage Then at the end of a Water filled day I collapse into bed and drown into my duvet Closing my eyes & Feeling super proud Until the fish tank next to my pillow Drips and drops So loud After I’d drank the recommended amount I sig

Legs are tingling Mind is cold   Stuck with creativity Opinions are bold   It's half past two I'm feeling restless Stomachs rumbling I'm craving breakfast